“An open home, an open heart, here grows a bountiful harvest” ~Judy Hand~

Around this time of year our thoughts turn to family and friends, sometimes lovingly, sometimes with dread. Although the paradigms of the family have changed drastically since the Victorian era, what has not changed is our need for close ties to those who call us their own.

The truth of the matter is that life often frays the ties that bind families. Some families are separated by distance, others by estrangement, and still others by obligation.  Differences in opinions, lifestyles, religion and politics tug at the seams of even the best sewn family quilt.  I remember our pastor stating at our wedding ceremony that “life is easy, until people enter into it.”  Pastor Jeff was on target there but oh how empty and lonely it is without them.

However, it is possible to draw close to those we love if we plan for it. It seems counter intuitive that we must make time for love, whether it’s carving out time for a romantic interlude with a significant other, setting up an official lunch date with a dear friend, or penciling in along telephone call with a brother or sister, a favorite cousin, or a childhood friend. But, in this fast-paced world, it actually is a MUST.  You MUST schedule in the time to show love, to show care…

I think because I was adopted and always craved a connection with others, I became one of those people who remembers my large extended family and my circle of friends. I have birthdays and anniversaries on my calendar, and I strive to ensure everyone is remembered on their special days.  I still send out Thanksgiving cards and Christmas cards… cost of stamps be damned, to let them know, up close and personal, that I am thinking of them and that, even though I am far away, or there may be anger in our midst, my love endures- always.  I will write handwritten letters to friends to catch up with them.

I was asked how I manage to remember birthdays etc… well, when I pay the bills at the beginning of each month, I also note whose birthdays are coming up as well as special anniversaries.  I am not always able to afford cards some months, but I always send out a text message or an email to let them know they are remembered and that they are important to me.  All of those I call friends remain important to me no matter the distance, the time, or the disagreements.  We are all human and we will not always agree, but I will always love… always.

One of the things I have done throughout the years is send many of my female friends a book “Simple Abundance”, it is a book I have turned to and read EVERY day of my life for the past 25 years.  I can highly recommend it just as a way of meditation.  Simple, creative gestures should become a part of all of our lives as we reach out to family and friends to strengthen bonds and renew memories. It does not take much time or even much money. If you live away from family members, schedule telephone calls on a regular basis.  I used to call my Mom and Dad EVERY Sunday…. They are gone from me now, but the memories of those weekly calls remain with me forever.  I hope they remained with them as well.  Elderly parents, neighbors, friends, need the reassurance of a weekly check in that they can count on and look forward to. It costs us nothing… but it gives so very much. Schedule that time in as well.

The first time that my new husband saw me writing out our Christmas cards, he was amazed that I sent out over 147 cards last year and asked me why, in this modern age, I did it?  I do it because of the letters or calls I get from older friends who say, “thank you Bonnie for remembering me. I so look forward to your cards and letters.”  I am also one of those who puts in a yearly newsletter and who looks forward to getting some back from my friends who share with me their past year in retrospect.  All it takes to bring a smile to someone’s face, to touch a heart, to heal a soul, is the gift of time and thought. 

Whenever possible, share family stories, record them so they won’t get lost. I am always grateful God blessed me with a need to write as, starting as a young teen, I would journal about my grandparents and parents “stories”. Go through you old family photographs and have copies made for everyone.  If you have not yet started – take an excessive number of photographs, stuff them into scrapbooks, and make sure you share them with your children, grandchildren and friends.

Family reunions seem to have also become a thing of the past.  Start a new tradition today and don’t give up. Get your family and your friends together – OFTEN!  Relish the times you spend with those you love for our time here on this great earth is limited.  Don’t spend it in excuses, what-ifs, buts, or in anger and frustration. Spend it in the doing and the planning and the realization that none of us, not a single bloody one of us, is perfect. As humans we will sometime, without meaning to, hurt ones we love.  Don’t hold onto that.  Hold onto the lifetime of it all for most of it is wonder-filled!

In closing today, I want to leave you with the words of the French Philosopher Simone Weil “To be rooted is perhaps the most important and least recognized need of the human soul.” I think this is a wonderful thought to meditate upon during this season of Thanksgiving, don’t you?

Then know, how deeply grateful I am to all of you; my readers, family, and friends alike.